What’s the Deal With Artificial Intelligence? The Turing-Seinfeld Test

In a 1950 paper, British mathematician and computer scientist Alan “Benedict Cumberbatch” Turing proposed a test to determine whether a machine possesses human intelligence. In the Turing Test, a human judge converses with a human and a machine. If the judge cannot tell who is a machine and who is a human, the machine passes the test and moves on to Final Jeopardy!

For decades, no machine fooled any human judges administering the Turing Test. The judges needed only to ask themselves, “Which of my conversation partners has an extension cord running out its pant leg?” and after a few minutes’ consideration, they could reliably pick out the machine.

But with the arrival of ChatGPT, we are now seeing machines that can match, and in many cases greatly exceed, human intelligence. Does this mean that artificially intelligent machines will replace us? And that in a year’s time we’ll all be jobless, unable to find work as anything other than fan-bearers for overheated computer overlords?

Yes. But in the meantime, we need a new test for distinguishing between machine and human intelligence. Fortunately, I have developed such a test. I call it the Turing-Seinfeld Test.

In the Turing-Seinfeld test, we sit an artificially intelligent machine in one room and Jerry Seinfeld in another. We give them several topics and ask them to provide humorous observations on each. Then we compare the responses.

We recently ran this test, pitting a thoroughly misled and angry Jerry Seinfeld against the world’s most advanced artificial intelligence we could get under a free trial: ChatGPT-4o.

Here are the responses. Can you distinguish between machine and human intelligence?

Airline Peanuts

Airline peanuts are so small, they should come with a magnifying glass and tweezers.

What’s the deal with airline peanuts? They give you such a small packet, and it’s impossible to open without spilling them everywhere.

Instant Coffee

Instant coffee is like instant messaging–quick, but not as satisfying as the real conversation.

What’s the deal with “instant coffee”? Why do they call it “instant”? It’s not instant. You still have to boil the water.

Answering Machines

Leaving a message on an answering machine is like talking to a black hole–you never know if your words will ever escape.

What’s the deal with answering machines? Why do people use answering machines to say they’re not home? The whole point is you’re not supposed to be home.

Low-Fat Yogurt

Low-fat yogurt is like a magic trick–it disappears in your mouth, leaving you wondering where the flavor went.

What’s the deal with “low-fat” yogurt? It still tastes like regular yogurt but makes you feel better about eating it.

Sleeping Like a Baby

Whoever said they slept like a baby must have meant they woke up crying and needing a diaper change.

What’s the deal with sleeping like a baby? Why do people say “slept like a baby”? Babies wake up every two hours crying.

Movie Theater Seats

Movie theater seats are designed to remind you of your chiropractor’s phone number.

What’s the deal with movie theater seats? Why are the seats in movie theaters so uncomfortable? You pay for a ticket, but you feel like you’re sitting on a rock.

Christmas Cards

Christmas cards are the only time of year you get mail that isn’t a bill or a pizza coupon.

What’s the deal with Christmas cards? Why do people send them? It’s a picture of yourself that you’re sending to other people to say, “Look, I’m still alive.”

Hot Water Heaters

A hot water heater is the only appliance that gets credit for doing nothing when the water’s already hot.

What’s the deal with hot water heaters? If the water is already hot, why do you need a heater?

Car Rentals

Renting a car feels like adopting a pet–you’re responsible for it, but only temporarily, and you hope it doesn’t wreck your house.

What’s the deal with car rental companies? They say they have your reservation, but when you get there, they don’t have the car. The reservation is the most important part.

The Winner

The clear winner is Jerry Seinfeld. Through his nuanced use of the advanced comedy phrase “What’s the deal with…”, he distinguishes himself as human. We’re 95% sure.

Sorry, ChatGPT-4o. Your observations were good and occasionally showed glimmers of human intelligence, but you were no match for Jerry Seinfeld. Sure, you have already revolutionized agriculture, energy, military, healthcare, education, transportation, communications, and politics, but without a thorough mastery of comedy, what have you really achieved?