In last week’s post, I explained how my friend’s girlfriend wrote what seemed, on the surface, to be both a “Dear John” letter and not a “Dear John” letter. At first, I didn’t know what to make of it. She’s a brilliant particle physicist, and I found her letter difficult to understand.
That’s when I reached out to you. I asked for your help, and together we observed and measured their relationship. Incredibly, as a result of that observation and measurement, the relationship duality collapsed. There is no longer any uncertainty. She’s left him.
Sadly, he’s not taking it well. In fact, I don’t think he’s processing the breakup at all. I think he thinks she’s a—I don’t know what. Am I crazy? Read his email and judge for yourself.
John--
Sprinkles been missing for two days now. (Sorry for referring to Evelyn as Sprinkles. I know cutesy pet names makes you retch.) It’s not like her to wander off. What should I do?
I already circled our neighborhood three times. I called her name and listened for her yowl. I checked the nearby parks and alleys and all the spots she likes to lie in.
You might think this was foolish, but I also climbed several trees along the river. You know how she loves high perches! Remember that one time it took us an hour to coax her down from the bookshelf? She’s so mischievous! I miss her so much.
I’ve been reaching out to family, friends, and neighbors. I’ll do anything I can to increase the chances of someone spotting her. I’ve recommended they sweep the ground with laser pointers. She goes nuts for laser pointers.
Of course, I looked in all the piles of laundry. Don’t you think I would have done that already? That was the first place I checked! Especially the warm one just out of the dryer! But no luck.
Sorry for being a bit catty there. I’m under a lot of stress. Do you think I should create flyers with her picture? Maybe I should mention how she loves to nestle inside cardboard boxes? It might be relevant. I might also try posting her picture on one of those websites for lost girlfriends. I think she’d be easily recognized by her mottled appearance. Granted, she’s a little self-conscious about her whiskers, but they are very distinguishing.
I don’t think anyone would be afraid to approach her, do you? She’s had her shots.
I’m trying to keep hope alive, John. But my hope is fading. Still, I want to remain positive. I have to believe that with awareness, community support, and a thorough search of all the nearby vents and windowsills, we may reunite.
Sorry to end on a bitter note, but someone left a dead mouse on the back porch this morning. I hope it wasn’t a message from her. I don’t think I could bear that again.
Erwin
My friend needs help. Lots of help. Let me know in the comments if you can think of any way to support him. Maybe he could even win her back. We just need to think of something that would appeal to her. Something that, to her, would be like catnip.
I am sorry and a little surprised to hear that the relationship has ended - it all seemed to be going so well last week.
LOL, So sorry(not) but she showed up while I was making a grilled turkey sandwich & stayed! Best wishes for finding a new GIRL friend.